ignorance is bliss...

Warning: deep thoughts ahead-- LOL.

OK, maybe not "ignorance" exactly, but "not knowing". I would love to have the type of personality that didn't need to understand every tiny little detail of every single thing. I drive myself nuts. I started thinking about the tests that the immunologist ran-- not really knowing exactly what they were-- and I wondered if the results were back yet. Since I don't go back until the 31st, I thought the easiest way to at least tell if they were back yet was to just look at my insurance info online to see if it had come through yet... mistake...

Not only now do I see a big bill headed my way (on top of many others I already have, which makes me worry more), but I also now know that they ran some DNA tests called flow cytometry, which is good and thorough (will help flag what's going on with the candida), but also flags things like cancer, leukemia, serious immune issues... (I had to dig around for what this thing was for)... anyway, now I'm nervous again. That's why I think not knowing is better... I mean, I know I *need* to know what's going on, but I would have been a lot better off not knowing exactly what they had done until I get there and the dr. tells me.

I really do know God is in control and I feel like I am going where He has sent me in respect to going back to teaching and all the things involved in that. The point is, I need to stop my quest for being so thorough about everything and just trust Him to give me the answers. I am seeing that more and more. It's much like when the truck trailer hit us a few weeks ago. Stuff happens, you get out and take a look at it, but realize there's nothing you can do to change it and you keep going, trusting God to take care of it. You don't examine it too closely-- don't let it take your eyes off of Him and where He was taking you before it happened. You let it unfold and keep going.

Rich Mullins was so right...

If we can reach beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will save those who believe...

I need to own that... that is bliss.