A lesson from Tyler

He got one stamp on his paper instead of two because he colored something blue that was supposed to be black, LOL. Then, he got himself really upset (I think partially because he was embarrassed about his reaction), and I guess he must have been hyperventilating because he told the teacher he was having trouble breathing and that it must be his asthma and he is allergic to school (his asthma is mild and it doesn't impact his breathing-- he was using it). Poor baby. Andrew was still on his way home from dropping them off at school when the call came in from school, so I called him and he turned around to console him. It was hard for me not to go be Mommy, but I know he would have had another melt-down just for my benefit BECAUSE I am Mommy We both went back to pick them up at the end of the day, and of course he was totally fine. He is so hard on himself, and I am afraid, a little perfectionist like his mother is prone to be... I have been working on him not to be so hard on himself, and then this today... I told him that the number of stamps he has on his paper is not the point-- the point is that he tries his best. And, we talked about the fact that he is kindergarten to learn and that GOD is the only perfection there is or ever will be. He seems much better now.

See what modeled perfectionism can do to a kid? This just reinforces the fact that I need to continue to strive toward that Mary example I want and need to be for my kids. I know that I am more "Mary" these days, but it will take some time to change that in the eyes of those around me. Thank God for the lessons and reminders that He brings through our children!

looking for open doors

I am just really trying to watch for God's lead in my life and so by doing that, I am trying to keep my eyes open for open doors, closed doors, etc. I have taken this time during summer to search myself, to pray, to look, to listen. The combination of the summer break, the boys both being in the same school (not mine) this coming school year, my health "revelations" and various other things, has me pondering about whether I am capable of "doing it all" this coming school year... and if I am actually called to that. Physically, spiritually and emotionally, I don't know if I can-- I don't know if I should. So, in that spirit, I have just been trying to keep my eyes open for possibilities... ways that I might simplify-- ways that I can be healthier than I have been-- and still with the knowledge that we have to have money to buy food, pay bills, etc. Working 14+ hours a day, and then in turn, not being able to keep up with my own children, and always collapsing at the end of every day is definitely not the picture of a healthy mom. Not to mention being a wife, trying to be a friend to others, keeping the bills paid and the house clean, food on the table, etc., etc.

Being here this summer has really just made me ponder what I am really capable of, and what sacrifices I make-- and of those, how many of those are actually sacrifices that God calls me to make. Being a mom is hard-- doing the right things for my kids is hard, but I know God calls me to be a mom, and I love being a mom. With my decreased energy and stamina (for lack of a better word), how can I be the best mom I can when I am at constant battle with the other person I have to be when I am working 14 hour days? I'm not at all trying to control this situation-- I really have changed so much in that area-- just trying to seek what God wants me to do.

I guess this post is mostly just a "thinking out loud" post, as I am seeking to make changes, but it's also a "me getting honest" post... I need to openly do that from time to time. :) With the thyroid stuff and the fibromyalgia, I now can see *why* I have been so spent. I used to tell Andrew before (before the FMS diagnosis, and all the ways that God has worked on me through this) that I felt like a loser-- that I couldn't seem to "do, do, do" all the things that other moms / women "do, do, do"... and now that I understand WHY I can't, I guess I am trying to "embrace" it and make changes-- to have more energy for the things that really are the most important in this life that God has given us.

SO... all that to say that I am looking to simplify; to make changes where I can, and if anyone has any suggestions or can point me in the direction of working, but still being the mom I should be, I am wide open. And, if you are willing to share, please do-- and if you are willing to pray for me-- that I can clearly see what God wants me to do to make the best decisions for my family and for my health, I would so very much appreciate it. And know that I will pray for you, too.

Lynn

ETA: Major prayer request for Andrew and his job, too.... they are waiting on hearing about a grant that they REALLY need to get for Andrew to continue his work... I won't go into the specifics, but this is something that is VERY important. They have a meeting coming up next week... this is also something that will determine what choices we have as a family. I know that it is in God's hands, and this will likely reveal our next steps, so in reality *this* is what I most need prayer for. :)

Parenting decisions

Parenting is hard. And, it's so hard to know if you are making the right decisions. Even if you make one decision with one kid, you will have to re-make it again with the next. The things that apply to one kid do not necessarily apply to the other. In my case, that is sooooo much the case. I have two very different kiddos-- think I have mentioned that here before... ;)

Thomas is at the stage where more is being expected of him at school... and while he is a super good kid and is very responsible for his age, he has had some trouble with some increased expectations of him at school. This kid has the memory of an elephant-- seriously! He remembers now-- at age 7-- being in diapers. No kidding! But, lately, he has struggled a little with making sure he has all his homework, library book, etc. and I know that has a lot to do with the fact that he is used to being reminded. That has a lot to do with me and knowing how to let go enough to allow him to "mess up" and learn from the consequences. Boy, that is hard! Last week, for the 2nd time in as many weeks, he forgot his homework folder at school. The first time, I was able to call Andrew and Daddy saved the day, bringing it home after work. Last week though, by the time he realized he didn't have his spelling homework, we made him deal with it-- I HATED doing that! I mean I really hated it! But, it was later in the day (so we most likely would not have been able to get back into the school) and Andrew and I both felt like he needed to learn what the consequences of that were... He needs to know that we will not always be able to "save the day" for him. That has been a heartbreaking realization for me. He is growing up and I cannot always "fix" stuff for him. So, we talked about it all and after a few tears (again, heartbreaking!) he came to the realization that he might be able to do some of it the next morning at school... and if not, it was not the end of the world. In the end, he couldn't find it, his card got turned (the consequence) and it was okay. Now, every day since, he has double-checked-- being more responsible about it-- and he has also learned that it is not going to kill him to mess up... a lesson this perfectionist-Mommy definitely sees the value in! :)

So... Tyler...

While technically, he will be "old enough" to go to Kindergarten in the Fall, he is just not ready... not so much "academically", but in maturity and socially. I have thought long and hard about this, and the first experience in school shapes the rest... if he is not ready now and we send him, school will never be a good experience for him... he will have trouble trying to succeed at something he is just not ready for... and I want him to enjoy school. Because his birthday is early, he will be much better off to start Kindergarten as a young 6 year old than a young 5 year old.

BUT... he *really* needs to have a preschool experience this fall... While we have and will continue to work on concepts, I really see him needing that group experience before Kindergarten. I've been looking into different programs-- and as a former public school preschool teacher, I feel like I should have more resources to find the right program, but I am having trouble finding something where the time, cost and travel will work for us. I started attending MOPS recently though, so I sent an email asking for suggestions... REALLY hoping to find something that will work. He just really needs it.

So... all of that up there just to say that it is hard being a parent-- lol... you love them, pray, make decisions and pray some more that they are the right ones. That's all you can really do... it's hard, really hard... but that's what prayer and faith is for. :)

L