who am I?

After I posted yesterday, I got a call for an interview at a library in the children's department... so, I am going today at 1:30. Then, 6 minutes later, I got a call from my previous school about the job I had mentioned. The timing had me all confused. But, I just feel like I need to go to the interview so that I can see clearly what God wants me to do. If the door is not open there, I will absolutely know that I should take the job at the school.

This has been a really stressful time with Andrew's company starting out, too... it is only through daily prayer-- really minute by minute that I have been able to stay sane at all, LOL. God is definitely with us and my faith and trust is being grown from all of this. I do admit that I would like to get off this rollercoaster we have been on, but I know God is using it for His purposes, and so I praise Him and am thankful for the grace He provides-- even in the smallest things, I am thankful. This is something that has not come easy for me, but wow, what a different person He is creating in me. That is not to say I don't have my moments, but with Him all things are possible, and I just can't let go of that... my tightened fist has been loosened with the rest and I am coming to love more and more that picture I have up there as my banner. My hand is open, not clinched tight on all the things in my life. My handful of things doesn't belong to me; it all and they all belong to God. My hand is wide open. When I took that picture, it wasn't-- not really. It was clinched tight, holding on to everything with all my might. My kids, my marriage, my career... even my relationship with Him (see the cross up there?)... I was holding tight trying to control it all.

Andrew and I listened to a sermon yesterday, and I couldn't help but cry when the pastor mentioned the story of Mary and Martha. During this season of my life, I have truly been blessed to become the Mary I have longed to be. I have my Martha moments, but I am truly sitting at His feet, listening for the first time in my life... my messy house is proof that I am not running around like a Martha anymore, LOL. :) Even though it has been difficult, wow-- what a gift He has given me! Who am I to deserve such a blessing? I don't deserve it, but He gives it to me anyway. That is grace. That is letting go. That is having an open hand.



Over time You’ve healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
Though at times it’s just enough to cast
A shadow on the wall
Well I am grateful that
You shined Your light on me at all

Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That You would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most high,..
Who am I?

Well, amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see
And the more I sing that sweet old song
The more I understand-
That I do not comprehend this love
That’s coming from Your hand…

Grace, grace
God’s grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace
God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin…

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
Amazing love, now flowing down
From hands and feet
That were nailed to the tree
Grace flows down and covers me…
(REPEAT)

And covers me…
And covers me…
And covers me…
And covers me…
(REPEAT)

Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That you would recognize my name?
Lord who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most High…
Who am I?

fast week

Is it Thursday already? What a fast week!

I went to orientation for subbing on Tuesday-- had a physical Monday (tweaking my meds again for one last shot to get the Neurontin to the right level-- if this doesn't work, we're changing it)-- had to have my TB test read yesterday... Thomas had his choir try-outs on Monday, too-- he made it! :) He had a little grin on his face when I picked them up on Tuesday, so I knew before he even opened his mouth. :) Andrew's been working on his new company and they are getting everything in place, so he's been really busy.

Then, yesterday, I also got a call from the school I just left. They had sort-of offered me a part-time job, but the hours, etc. didn't work out... yesterday, they offered me a few more hours, so I may end up doing it and stay on the sub list for the county for afternoon sub needs... the sub caller said there is a need for that. I also want to get my photography going and get back to writing, so having the afternoons free would be ideal if it works out. God has a plan and I am listening.

Anyway, a busy week in the rollercoater that is us these days... we'll see what today brings. :)

L

the song

...that Thomas chose on his own today (totally unplanned, unrehearsed and unknown by us) to try out for his school choir.




:)

Isn't he a cool kid?

what is that about?

So, have you ever gotten someplace new-- to a new level of something God wanted you to see only to be knocked down to a new level two seconds later? That is what today was... bad day... and how quickly I gave in... so not right. God is still in charge and I am so not. I need to remember that that is not only OK, but exactly the way it should be. Sure, I'm sad but I am also disappointed in myself for forgetting even for a second that God is in control.

On another note, went for a follow up today at the doctor's and she says I have a hormonal imbalance... no big surprise there, but on the up side, my thyroid looks better. :) She also checked me for food allergies (still looking for the culprit of the twitching)...

So, that's what I know... God is so not through with me yet-- that is sure!

Lynn

some decisions to make

So, God has really been working on me these past few weeks, and it has been really hard to put all that into words. I've had this revelation about what grace really is-- and what people often wrongly call it. Grace can never be paid for or deserved in any way. This has been something that I have never really gotten until now. There are no strings attached and no good deed that can equal it. Grace is also not always what we think we want... sometimes it is the very thing we think we don't want... but, in that God shapes us more into the person He wants us to be and because of that, in the end, the thing we don't want often becomes the best thing that has ever happened to us. I know this is really deep for a Tuesday morning, LOL... I just finally get it.

So, after the past for weeks with God, He has shown me that grace is enough. Seriously. And, I need to stop fretting over making decisions, but in the end, whichever way I choose, as long as I live inside His grace, He will use it for my good-- and more importantly, For His. Is that to say I should quit seeking His guidance? Not at all. But, I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself to make the "right" decision. I need to pray about it and then leave it entirely up to Him.

His grace is enough for me.

still here

Just processing... ups, downs, ups again... tired body. Nerve issue acting up... reading, searching, homework with the kids. Figuring stuff out, letting go... experiencing God's graces... failing, experiencing them anyway... praying, learning... listening.

Will be back soon. :)

Grace to you,

L

my theme song

I just heard this on the radio today for the first time... I could have written it-- seriously. But, Sanctus Real did instead.

My new theme song...