who am I?

After I posted yesterday, I got a call for an interview at a library in the children's department... so, I am going today at 1:30. Then, 6 minutes later, I got a call from my previous school about the job I had mentioned. The timing had me all confused. But, I just feel like I need to go to the interview so that I can see clearly what God wants me to do. If the door is not open there, I will absolutely know that I should take the job at the school.

This has been a really stressful time with Andrew's company starting out, too... it is only through daily prayer-- really minute by minute that I have been able to stay sane at all, LOL. God is definitely with us and my faith and trust is being grown from all of this. I do admit that I would like to get off this rollercoaster we have been on, but I know God is using it for His purposes, and so I praise Him and am thankful for the grace He provides-- even in the smallest things, I am thankful. This is something that has not come easy for me, but wow, what a different person He is creating in me. That is not to say I don't have my moments, but with Him all things are possible, and I just can't let go of that... my tightened fist has been loosened with the rest and I am coming to love more and more that picture I have up there as my banner. My hand is open, not clinched tight on all the things in my life. My handful of things doesn't belong to me; it all and they all belong to God. My hand is wide open. When I took that picture, it wasn't-- not really. It was clinched tight, holding on to everything with all my might. My kids, my marriage, my career... even my relationship with Him (see the cross up there?)... I was holding tight trying to control it all.

Andrew and I listened to a sermon yesterday, and I couldn't help but cry when the pastor mentioned the story of Mary and Martha. During this season of my life, I have truly been blessed to become the Mary I have longed to be. I have my Martha moments, but I am truly sitting at His feet, listening for the first time in my life... my messy house is proof that I am not running around like a Martha anymore, LOL. :) Even though it has been difficult, wow-- what a gift He has given me! Who am I to deserve such a blessing? I don't deserve it, but He gives it to me anyway. That is grace. That is letting go. That is having an open hand.



Over time You’ve healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
Though at times it’s just enough to cast
A shadow on the wall
Well I am grateful that
You shined Your light on me at all

Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That You would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most high,..
Who am I?

Well, amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see
And the more I sing that sweet old song
The more I understand-
That I do not comprehend this love
That’s coming from Your hand…

Grace, grace
God’s grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace
God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin…

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
Amazing love, now flowing down
From hands and feet
That were nailed to the tree
Grace flows down and covers me…
(REPEAT)

And covers me…
And covers me…
And covers me…
And covers me…
(REPEAT)

Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That you would recognize my name?
Lord who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most High…
Who am I?