A lesson from Tyler

He got one stamp on his paper instead of two because he colored something blue that was supposed to be black, LOL. Then, he got himself really upset (I think partially because he was embarrassed about his reaction), and I guess he must have been hyperventilating because he told the teacher he was having trouble breathing and that it must be his asthma and he is allergic to school (his asthma is mild and it doesn't impact his breathing-- he was using it). Poor baby. Andrew was still on his way home from dropping them off at school when the call came in from school, so I called him and he turned around to console him. It was hard for me not to go be Mommy, but I know he would have had another melt-down just for my benefit BECAUSE I am Mommy We both went back to pick them up at the end of the day, and of course he was totally fine. He is so hard on himself, and I am afraid, a little perfectionist like his mother is prone to be... I have been working on him not to be so hard on himself, and then this today... I told him that the number of stamps he has on his paper is not the point-- the point is that he tries his best. And, we talked about the fact that he is kindergarten to learn and that GOD is the only perfection there is or ever will be. He seems much better now.

See what modeled perfectionism can do to a kid? This just reinforces the fact that I need to continue to strive toward that Mary example I want and need to be for my kids. I know that I am more "Mary" these days, but it will take some time to change that in the eyes of those around me. Thank God for the lessons and reminders that He brings through our children!

who am I?

After I posted yesterday, I got a call for an interview at a library in the children's department... so, I am going today at 1:30. Then, 6 minutes later, I got a call from my previous school about the job I had mentioned. The timing had me all confused. But, I just feel like I need to go to the interview so that I can see clearly what God wants me to do. If the door is not open there, I will absolutely know that I should take the job at the school.

This has been a really stressful time with Andrew's company starting out, too... it is only through daily prayer-- really minute by minute that I have been able to stay sane at all, LOL. God is definitely with us and my faith and trust is being grown from all of this. I do admit that I would like to get off this rollercoaster we have been on, but I know God is using it for His purposes, and so I praise Him and am thankful for the grace He provides-- even in the smallest things, I am thankful. This is something that has not come easy for me, but wow, what a different person He is creating in me. That is not to say I don't have my moments, but with Him all things are possible, and I just can't let go of that... my tightened fist has been loosened with the rest and I am coming to love more and more that picture I have up there as my banner. My hand is open, not clinched tight on all the things in my life. My handful of things doesn't belong to me; it all and they all belong to God. My hand is wide open. When I took that picture, it wasn't-- not really. It was clinched tight, holding on to everything with all my might. My kids, my marriage, my career... even my relationship with Him (see the cross up there?)... I was holding tight trying to control it all.

Andrew and I listened to a sermon yesterday, and I couldn't help but cry when the pastor mentioned the story of Mary and Martha. During this season of my life, I have truly been blessed to become the Mary I have longed to be. I have my Martha moments, but I am truly sitting at His feet, listening for the first time in my life... my messy house is proof that I am not running around like a Martha anymore, LOL. :) Even though it has been difficult, wow-- what a gift He has given me! Who am I to deserve such a blessing? I don't deserve it, but He gives it to me anyway. That is grace. That is letting go. That is having an open hand.



Over time You’ve healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
Though at times it’s just enough to cast
A shadow on the wall
Well I am grateful that
You shined Your light on me at all

Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That You would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most high,..
Who am I?

Well, amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see
And the more I sing that sweet old song
The more I understand-
That I do not comprehend this love
That’s coming from Your hand…

Grace, grace
God’s grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace
God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin…

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
Amazing love, now flowing down
From hands and feet
That were nailed to the tree
Grace flows down and covers me…
(REPEAT)

And covers me…
And covers me…
And covers me…
And covers me…
(REPEAT)

Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That you would recognize my name?
Lord who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most High…
Who am I?

the song

...that Thomas chose on his own today (totally unplanned, unrehearsed and unknown by us) to try out for his school choir.




:)

Isn't he a cool kid?

1st day of school

"What?" you say... "already?"... "Yes", I say... "already". I am in a quiet house. A very quiet house. My babies are at school... already.



This is the first time in a long, long time that I got to feel like a parent on the first day of school. I have this constant guilt battle though, so I almost feel guilty for getting to do that-- and guilty about being here in the quiet house without them. I'm working on that though, and trying to appreciate the undeserved grace in that.

Here are a few pictures of my big 4th grader and kindergartener (yes, my baby went off to kindergarten today) walking in to school... we decided to park and walk together for the first day. Come Monday, we'll be dropping them off from the car line. Just a couple of notes about the pics. The school rolls out a "red carpet" on the first day of school each year... thus, the red thing by the door... and, the lady who is holding the door (the one in the pink shirt), is Tyler's teacher. I had a couple more, but you know, Thomas' eyes are always closed. :)







And, this goofy guy is who I got to have coffee with this morning after dropping them off at school... well, I didn't have coffee, but you get the point. :)



Back to my part-time job search... have a good day. :)
L

Six on 7.24.08

This was our annual "first thing in the morning" birthday picture.

I finally got the pictures off the camera from Tyler's birthday. We had a bug party-- we were actually going to have a "bug man" come, but it didn't work out, so we did it ourselves...

We had a bug hunt (plastic bugs-- everyone got a plastic bug box with net and tweezers)...











We wrapped each other up like butterflies in cocoons...







We had cake-- okay, cupcakes-- and they were homemade, Pokemon cupcakes, not quite fitting of the bug theme, but that was what he wanted. :)





And, he gots lots of super cool presents-- those were all "action shots" and pretty blurry, LOL.

So, my baby is six and going to kindergarten in something like 10 days... and this is him, bugs and Pokemon. :) We love him.

L

the day after today (7/23/08)

is Tyler's 6th Birthday-- unreal! He is so excited and informed me tonight that he is no longer silly, as he is turning 6 tomorrow. I love the big ball of dirt so much-- he is sooooo all boy-- and that just makes him the perfect fit; you know?

Also, tomorrow is the big day of hopefully getting to some answers on the "what are we doing?" end of our lives. BIG prayers are needed-- for answers, for direction, for Andrew, for God's blessing, for us just to know *what* we need to do. If you think about it at around 11am EST, a little prayer for Andrew would be MUCH appreciated-- okay, a big prayer. I think I am under-selling the need just a bit, but please just know we need your prayers tomorrow if you read this.

Good night, God bless you.

L

watching, waiting, praying (7/22/08)

This *feels* like a pivotal week. A lot of decisions will be made this week, and I am trying to stay centered on who is in control. I am reading a book by Andy Stanley, Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins when Family and Work Collide. It is not what it sounds like-- it is about making choices that don't cheat your family. It's really speaking to me and I felt like it was something God led me to read-- straight to where it sat on the shelf at the library. I'll post more about it when I am finished reading it, but if you want to check it out, follow that link up there on the book title.

Thursday is Tyler's birthday, and tomorrow is my nephew's, so we have spent the first part of the day today picking up things for the party, and a gift for my nephew-- and now, I need to go clean up the kitchen-- ugh... I am sure I will have pics to post later this week. I need to get back to my camera somehow... somehow.... I need to get back to a lot of things.

Anyway, continued prayers especially for Andrew on Thursday (the day of his meeting)...

Peace and simplicity to everyone reading,
L

at last (7/17/08)

Thomas went to "piano camp" for 3 days this week (at the house of my band teacher from middle school-- I have known this woman since I was 11 years old! That was cool enough in itself!) He almost made it through a whole book-- so proud of him-- this was his first experience with piano lessons, and he did so well! He practiced every day on his own, without me telling him to-- he WANTED to.

This one i call, "Crazy person playing the keyboard"... it was his little impression all week long as he practiced at home on this little keyboard we have).


He also had a serious side while practicing...




We have wanted to get him a piano for YEARS... and every time we hear there is someone who wants to give one a way, we somehow just miss it... we try to get there, only it's always just a few minutes behind someone else who ends up getting it. We checked into a piano a few weeks ago, but it was $300 and with me not working in the summer and Andrew's current situation, we just couldn't do it.

So, yesterday, when I picked Thomas up from his last day at camp, Mrs. Ashcraft, the teacher, mentioned to another lady who had her grand-daughters at the camp (they are visiting from another state), that there was a piano at the Habitat Re-Store... apparently Mrs. Ashcraft had volunteered there that morning and saw it. She said it was "playable" and that it had been there a long time and they only wanted $50 for it, but she thought they would take less. My mouth flew open-- I guess she forgot that I had told her that we had been looking for a piano and kept just missing out. I think it hit her when I gasped, and the other lady then asked where the store was, but then also said that she'd have to ship it to North Carolina with the girls (kind-of tongue-in-cheek, so I wasn't sure if she was considering looking at it or not). The lady then didn't seem to be overly interested and we all left. I decided to go look at it (secretly, really feeling like this must be our piano), and I figured if the lady showed up at the store, it might just not be for us. She never showed up, I talked the guy into taking $40. There are two keys in the highest register that stick (we can get them fixed sometime), but the piano is not terribly out of tune and it is really pretty-- a little spinet Wurlitzer. There was a ton of music in the bench, so we also got a bunch of music, and apparently, this was a church piano because there are a bunch of church bulletins with notes-- that made it super cool to us! There are even a few music theory teaching things-- some flashcards for practicing what key something is in-- stuff like that. This TOTALLY all made it feel like this piano was meant for us. And, it was.

Thanks to my dad and his truck, we got it here safely (the guy told me to get that price, I needed to take it THAT day-- this was at 4 and they closed at 5-- Andrew was too far away at work to make it in time)... so... it wasn't easy-- very heavy and on a hot day on top of all of it, but after all that, YAY... this little baby is now ours... at last...



Lynn

looking for open doors

I am just really trying to watch for God's lead in my life and so by doing that, I am trying to keep my eyes open for open doors, closed doors, etc. I have taken this time during summer to search myself, to pray, to look, to listen. The combination of the summer break, the boys both being in the same school (not mine) this coming school year, my health "revelations" and various other things, has me pondering about whether I am capable of "doing it all" this coming school year... and if I am actually called to that. Physically, spiritually and emotionally, I don't know if I can-- I don't know if I should. So, in that spirit, I have just been trying to keep my eyes open for possibilities... ways that I might simplify-- ways that I can be healthier than I have been-- and still with the knowledge that we have to have money to buy food, pay bills, etc. Working 14+ hours a day, and then in turn, not being able to keep up with my own children, and always collapsing at the end of every day is definitely not the picture of a healthy mom. Not to mention being a wife, trying to be a friend to others, keeping the bills paid and the house clean, food on the table, etc., etc.

Being here this summer has really just made me ponder what I am really capable of, and what sacrifices I make-- and of those, how many of those are actually sacrifices that God calls me to make. Being a mom is hard-- doing the right things for my kids is hard, but I know God calls me to be a mom, and I love being a mom. With my decreased energy and stamina (for lack of a better word), how can I be the best mom I can when I am at constant battle with the other person I have to be when I am working 14 hour days? I'm not at all trying to control this situation-- I really have changed so much in that area-- just trying to seek what God wants me to do.

I guess this post is mostly just a "thinking out loud" post, as I am seeking to make changes, but it's also a "me getting honest" post... I need to openly do that from time to time. :) With the thyroid stuff and the fibromyalgia, I now can see *why* I have been so spent. I used to tell Andrew before (before the FMS diagnosis, and all the ways that God has worked on me through this) that I felt like a loser-- that I couldn't seem to "do, do, do" all the things that other moms / women "do, do, do"... and now that I understand WHY I can't, I guess I am trying to "embrace" it and make changes-- to have more energy for the things that really are the most important in this life that God has given us.

SO... all that to say that I am looking to simplify; to make changes where I can, and if anyone has any suggestions or can point me in the direction of working, but still being the mom I should be, I am wide open. And, if you are willing to share, please do-- and if you are willing to pray for me-- that I can clearly see what God wants me to do to make the best decisions for my family and for my health, I would so very much appreciate it. And know that I will pray for you, too.

Lynn

ETA: Major prayer request for Andrew and his job, too.... they are waiting on hearing about a grant that they REALLY need to get for Andrew to continue his work... I won't go into the specifics, but this is something that is VERY important. They have a meeting coming up next week... this is also something that will determine what choices we have as a family. I know that it is in God's hands, and this will likely reveal our next steps, so in reality *this* is what I most need prayer for. :)

OK, pictures at last (7/14/08)

So this is a re-cap of some of our summer thus far (not all, just some)...

Tyler seeing his very FIRST giraffe in person at the Louisville Zoo.


Petting the goat...


Acting like the goat...


The REAL deal...


NOT the REAL deal, but a cute photo...


This gorilla (can you even see him?) was SCARY.... The monkeys across from him were apparently tormenting him since he was totally alone in his area. He was creepy, sitting there, looking out of the corner of his eyes, and then all of a sudden he would take off running and run right into the glass where we were standing, with his mouth open, teeth flaring. I thought it was me or maybe the boys beating their chests at him, until I realized that he was just trying to get to the monkeys across the way behind us. Still, he was scary!


Thomas & Tyler in a fake "FedEX crate" at the small gorilla cage.


How Thomas stacks up to the gorilla...


And, Tyler...


They DON'T like to move it, move it... Lazy lemurs!


Iron Man at the zoo... cool. Not sure what the "5" thing is?? A wave? I don't know, but he did it every time.


Just one of Thomas hanging out. My boy is growing up too fast. He probably won't pose for too many more like this for me.


OK, this is funny NOW, not so much THEN. Tyler was determined he was going to ride this inflatable water slide-- a couple of stories high... because, of course, Thomas did it. Thomas gets up there and slides right down, leaving Tyler sitting there looking down the slide. Of course, he doesn't go. We spend the next 20 minutes or so trying to coax him down; he won't come. We convince the high school girls who were working there to let Thomas go down again (without paying) to get Tyler to come down. Finally, he does and of course says he wants to go again. Um, no... not until you're 30 and I don't have to try and get you down from someplace I knew you wouldn't come down from... oiy!


Moving on...

King's Island...

Their expressions as we approach the gate. Poor babies have never been anywhere so exciting; can you tell? These are REAL expressions... they were beside themselves!


Who lives in a pineapple at King's Island?


Tyler with Patrick...


This was the coolest ride... we all rode it actually. It was sooooo relaxing after all the walking. It was the Danny Phantom ride-- it made you feel like you were flying. This time, I thought Tyler was going to take a nap, LOL.


Just to give you an idea of the "flight". I was so surprised with Tyler that he rode this, but not as surprised at this as I was when he rode the Stunt Coaster! Sorry, no pictures of that-- my eyes were closed the whole time... OH MY... and that wasn't even the most of it. Thomas rode a bunch of coasters-- including the Crypt, which hung him suspended upside-down-- Andrew rode that one with him needless to say.


My cutie, Ty on the mini-bumper cars before we realized he was tall enough for the real thing. The first time on these, it took him forever to figure out how to GO, LOL.


Tyler, smiling at his opponent... he doesn't quite get that you are not supposed to be so nice to your fellow drivers in the bumper cars. :)


We always end any event on the carousel (when there is one)... this is a blurred pic on purpose... if you look in one of the mirrors, you can see Thomas.


Waiting for the fireworks with Mom... it's nice to have a picture of me with the boys... even if I look like I am about to die (I was... whew!)


La Tour Eiffel... well, kind-of...


Moving along... a fishing trip...

Andrew TRYING to teach Tyler to use his grandfather's old bamboo pole.


Thomas takes his fishing pretty seriously. He didn't catch anything on this trip, but he did during another trip to the river with my parents. I'll add his "fish tale" picture later... I still have to save it and re-size it (Mom, did you get that picture from Andrew?)


Daddy and cheesy-smile boy...


I took this one during the fishing trip... is it the sky or the reflection on the water? Hmmm... can you tell?


If you've made it this far, wow! That is only a portion of the pics-- I take too many, LOL... but now, I finally feel caught up with my picture posting here. :)

Tomorrow,
Lynn

ETA: What's up with the spacing on this thing anyway?

random (7/7/08)

It's been a few days and my world has changed, well, my world is "in flux", shall we say. I'm waiting on dinner to beep at me, so I thought I would just post some random things while I wait.

1. We took the kids to King's Island yesterday-- they had a BLAST-- me-- I am super tired today, but so, so, so enjoyed my family yesterday. We never "get away" and just do something for the sake of doing it-- that was how it felt yesterday-- kind-of a "free" feeling. The food, etc.-- definitely NOT "free", but we conserved. Can you believe a bottle of water (or coke or anything liquid) was $3.50?!?! I have tons of pictures to post-- will do that tomorrow. Thomas rode some big roller coasters, and Tyler actually got on some, too. Fun, fun day-- my favorite in a long, long time. Today, we crashed.


2. After the late night back from King's Island, I had an appointment with the integrative doctor to follow up since the Fibromyalgia diagnosis from the rheumatologist. I have been concerned about the low thyroid... tomorrow, I start Armour Thyroid. She wants me to have my hormone levels checked in late August, and to have an ultrasound of my thyroid (to look for nodules), if I don't see any improvements from taking the Thyroid. I'm a little nervous about that and am both nervous and anxious to see if the Armour Thyroid will make any difference.

3. Andrew is home for vacation all week this week. He got some "unsettling" news last week before the holiday, and we are in deep prayer about it. I don't really want to go into the specifics too much here, but we are in prayer and if you stumble on this post, I would truly appreciate some prayer warriors for Andrew and his work.

4. I am in the thinking and searching-- and waiting process on the direction of my life and what is the best thing for my family. I have a sense of "not knowing" that I have never had before-- I sort of feel like God has me "out of the loop" for a reason and that all will be revealed in His time. I know people say that all the time, but this is the first time I have truly had that sense. It's comforting, which is a strange thing for a type-A to say, I know... I think God is changing me. Maybe I am becoming an A-minus. :)

Okay, beeper in 2 minutes. I might change my little template here again later, I don't know... still pondering...

Until later,
Lynn

what kind of mom are you?

just did this... this is who I am, apparently...

Which TV Mom Are You?

My Result: Lois

You are Lois from Malcolm in the Middle. From coming up with punishments to putting together interesting combinations of leftovers for dinner, there's never any doubt who's running the show at home: It's you. You're pragmatic and proficient, but keeping your kids in line, keeping them fed, and keeping within your budget probably leaves you feeling harried. Sometimes after shouting out orders or admonishments, you might feel more like a monster than a mother.
But there's never any doubt that you love your kids and are a mama bear when it comes to protecting them: just ask anyone who's ever tried to criticize them. You've got an extra sense for sniffing out trouble and are a genius when it comes to coming up with tricks for nipping it in the bud.

What are you?
http://web.tickle.com/jumpto?test=tvmomogt&c=50652

Not ALL totally me, but a lot of it is-- not sure if that's such a good thing, LOL.

Lynn