looking for open doors

I am just really trying to watch for God's lead in my life and so by doing that, I am trying to keep my eyes open for open doors, closed doors, etc. I have taken this time during summer to search myself, to pray, to look, to listen. The combination of the summer break, the boys both being in the same school (not mine) this coming school year, my health "revelations" and various other things, has me pondering about whether I am capable of "doing it all" this coming school year... and if I am actually called to that. Physically, spiritually and emotionally, I don't know if I can-- I don't know if I should. So, in that spirit, I have just been trying to keep my eyes open for possibilities... ways that I might simplify-- ways that I can be healthier than I have been-- and still with the knowledge that we have to have money to buy food, pay bills, etc. Working 14+ hours a day, and then in turn, not being able to keep up with my own children, and always collapsing at the end of every day is definitely not the picture of a healthy mom. Not to mention being a wife, trying to be a friend to others, keeping the bills paid and the house clean, food on the table, etc., etc.

Being here this summer has really just made me ponder what I am really capable of, and what sacrifices I make-- and of those, how many of those are actually sacrifices that God calls me to make. Being a mom is hard-- doing the right things for my kids is hard, but I know God calls me to be a mom, and I love being a mom. With my decreased energy and stamina (for lack of a better word), how can I be the best mom I can when I am at constant battle with the other person I have to be when I am working 14 hour days? I'm not at all trying to control this situation-- I really have changed so much in that area-- just trying to seek what God wants me to do.

I guess this post is mostly just a "thinking out loud" post, as I am seeking to make changes, but it's also a "me getting honest" post... I need to openly do that from time to time. :) With the thyroid stuff and the fibromyalgia, I now can see *why* I have been so spent. I used to tell Andrew before (before the FMS diagnosis, and all the ways that God has worked on me through this) that I felt like a loser-- that I couldn't seem to "do, do, do" all the things that other moms / women "do, do, do"... and now that I understand WHY I can't, I guess I am trying to "embrace" it and make changes-- to have more energy for the things that really are the most important in this life that God has given us.

SO... all that to say that I am looking to simplify; to make changes where I can, and if anyone has any suggestions or can point me in the direction of working, but still being the mom I should be, I am wide open. And, if you are willing to share, please do-- and if you are willing to pray for me-- that I can clearly see what God wants me to do to make the best decisions for my family and for my health, I would so very much appreciate it. And know that I will pray for you, too.

Lynn

ETA: Major prayer request for Andrew and his job, too.... they are waiting on hearing about a grant that they REALLY need to get for Andrew to continue his work... I won't go into the specifics, but this is something that is VERY important. They have a meeting coming up next week... this is also something that will determine what choices we have as a family. I know that it is in God's hands, and this will likely reveal our next steps, so in reality *this* is what I most need prayer for. :)