I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round...

Some deep thoughts for a Monday as stated by the legendary John Lennon...



It's funny... I was actually looking for a video to put up to try and poke fun at myself for how dizzy I am today. (Sinus infection from hades-- so keep in mind, medicated thoughts ahead--lol)... so, anyway, that song came to mind because of the wheels spinning round and round. I always say that God speaks to me in the shower, but He also speaks to me through music-- always has. Songs just come to mind from time to time.

So I've been thinking... I know that God takes us through valleys in order for us to learn and see things-- I truly believe that. I have definitely been in one. I also know I am a hard nut. I actually *like* to throw myself into stuff-- too much so really. When I think I have "important" stuff to do, I throw myself head first into it. While I have not been working on design, scrapbooking or writing projects, God has had me quiet and paying more attention to my health and my real life responsibilities that He has entrusted me with. Last week, in the Spring Break tizzy, I threw myself headfirst into housework and creating fun for the boys... um, yeah, pacing yourself does have its value, I am learning... but it also opened my eyes to a lot of things I have been guilty of neglecting when I am busy with those other "important" things.

I always say I crave quiet in this noisy house full of boys, but I am beginning to realize (and sorry if this sounds too "ninja"-- we just saw TMNT with the boys--lol)-- that maybe the quietness I have been looking for is inside me-- not so much in my house. God knows where we need Him and meets us there... even if it takes meeting us in a valley. For me, it has taken not feeling so hot to REALLY and HONESTLY hear Him. I tell myself I am listening, but with a busy mind and spirit, how could I? Even though this past week has been busy and tiring, it has opened my eyes to the fact that this period of "watching the wheels" for me is just a time for me to find the quiet... no matter what is going on around or inside me. It doesn't have to mean anything more than that.

The last couple of days, my mind has been stirring-- fighting that revelation-- trying to think of the "next big thing" to do with myself-- even in the midst of feeling crappy-- especially in the midst of feeling crappy. And I know that what my mind wants to do is not healthy for me. My body can't do it-- not right now. I have a problem of giving myself "dates" by when I will be able to... (do whatever-- fill in the blank)-- but this time, I can't do that. I know I have this rheumatologist appointment in June and so my mind wants to say, "okay-- then after June, you need to jump back into stuff and you gotta have a plan of what you want to do, because then, you'll be able to." But if I am being honest about what it is that I know God is saying to me, then I can't do that.

Maybe it's even more about trusting Him than it is about resting-- maybe it's about patience, maybe it's about recouping-- or maybe it's just about allowing God to heal all that within me, and letting go of the control of it... of having to know what is around every single corner before I get there. Whatever it is, I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round... and who knows-- the answers may just be in what I see as the spokes... If I turn my attentions away, I just might miss them.

OK-- Deep thoughts over for now... hope it made some sense. :)
L